I have to say, the process wasn't terrible. I've been a little more tired than usual (but that's what afternoon naps are for), my throat has been extremely sore, and my skin looks like I fell asleep in the sun, but nothing too unmanageable.
Like most things with cancer, it's the emotional toll that was the most taxing. Everyday for over four weeks I had to go sit in a waiting room with women more than twice my age. Not once did I ever see any patient under the age of 60.
This, frankly, is a constant reminder that I shouldn't be dealing with this.
What should I be doing? I should be finding my dream job. Or I should be traveling the world. Or, hell, I should be having babies (or at least another puppy). But early in this process I learned to give up on the idea of "shoulds".
As we all know, life doesn't always obey our "shoulds."
The mere fact that I had to start every day in a hospital took its own emotional toll. It's hard to move forward when your wake-up call is a daily dose of radiation.
But today, I am finished.
Now all I have to do is wait...
And wait..
And wait.
What will inevitably feel like a lifetime (aka 6 weeks), is how long I have to wait to learn if the radiation was even successful.
Everyone, keep your fingers crossed...
Because you should!
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| I certainly hope so! |
What I learned while working with those in recovery is that those in recovery learn to be "better than well". Healthier, stronger, more rooted, more secure. And yes, let go of "the shoulds" and listen inwardly to what nourishes, you, your body and your soul. Now that the tumors are gone from around your heart, what makes your heart glow? What brings love and meaning to you? What lights up your face and your heart and your soul? Your writing and your photography lights up the world. Your beauty inside and out warms my heart. What feels like play and brings out the inner child within you? You have shown great courage and strength. To follow the skipped heart beat that comes from meeting your first love is scary. Taking that step towards something thrilling is also certainly scary. What "should" you be doing? Living your big heart to the fullest, Yes! finding the dream job, having babies and traveling and whatever your heart tells you to do!
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