Friday, January 6, 2012

Love (and Cancer) is a Battlefield

Let me tell you, Cancer is hard. Actually, let me rephrase that. Cancer is a bitch. And not just physically on the body; that part has been surprisingly easy so far. Turns out, Cancer is also hard on relationships.

I have the best husband in the world. Seriously, I lucked out big time. He's supportive of everything I do, he challenges me, makes me laugh AND will dance with me even though he thinks he looks silly doing it. But he does it because I love it. Ladies, you want a real man, find one who isn't afraid to look silly for you. That's true love.

But Cancer tries to bring out the worst in people. And on our bad days, it succeeds. The Hubby doesn't wash his dishes (so cliche, I know) and I blow up. And I get mad. And storm out.

And even though I won't admit it at the time, we both know this is not about a couple of dishes in the sink. I have cancer. And as much as I try and avoid being angry at that, sometimes I am. And rather than say I'm pissed about Little Hodgy, I yell at The Hubby for not putting his dishes away.

And in an unexpected twist, The Hubby gets pissed back. He's furious at my reaction to the dishes. He yells. Then ignores me. Then we spend the rest of the night not talking because we're both too stubborn to make the first move.

Turns out I'm not the only one that gets pissed about me having cancer. And rather than getting upset at something beyond our control, like cancer, we fight with each other. And then Cancer wins. 

And that's not all. When you have cancer and you avoid the conventional path of treatment, there are a lot of decisions that have to be made. I am not a decisive person. In fact, I hate making decisions.

What can I say, I'm an avoider.

I blame it on being the middle child and constantly compromising. But when it's ME who has cancer, it's ME who has to ultimately make the decision. This can be infuriating to The Hubby who wants nothing more than to support me, but is unable to do that because I can't make an actual decision for him to support. So again, we fight.

Marriage is hard. Even with The Perfect Hubby.

But marriage with cancer as the third wheel is even harder. I'm just lucky that I have a marriage that is able to survive something as small as the dishes and something as big as Cancer.

And when I absolutely refuse to let go of the anger first, I know he'll take one for the team and come dance for me. Because I'm lucky and found a man who's not afraid to be silly for me.

And because of that, Cancer may win the fight, but will never win the war.

Roll your eyes if you want, I know I would, but hear this: Love is a battlefield and love conquers all. Just make sure you do the dishes!


  1. Dana, you are a gifted writer. I'm glad that you and Brad have each other.

  2. ...And you even snuck pyrrhic victory in there! Well done, D.